I wonder as I work on ways to be a better person, how do I know that I’m not spending all of my energy cultivating my own ego? Some of the greatest people I admire seem to have egos larger than life. Yet others are so humble, so unassuming, so quietly wonderful. I strive to be the latter and fear that I fumble much too often on being the kind of person who sees everything in black and white. I am either good or bad. Some days I just can’t keep up. Other days I have it all going on.
I was reminded in a comment made by one of my favourite readers and bloggers, Panther Creek Cottage that in all the great things we do, we do not do them alone. We are every moment working beside Jesus (or God, or higher powers, or connections, or universes or whatever word suits you here) to get us through. That our success does not belong to us alone. In every magical step, we are led and we are supported.
For a control freak who’s pretty certain she can do everything by herself this is a humbling realization. Ah, that I am not only not alone. But that nothing I do can be credited to my efforts alone.
I thought about this a lot. All week in fact. And towards the end of the week as I made my way to my usual parking spot and meandered to my work building I noticed the church on the corner that has been part of my landscape for a couple of decades. It was no longer a church. It had been converted to an altitude gym.
You see, the thing I find about working out, exercising, setting physical goals for myself is that the work is incredibly self-satisfying. It is inherently selfish. And in a life where the demands on me are far greater than the attention I give myself, exercise creates a much-needed balance. It gives me a refuge, some time to think and move in ways of my own choosing (well, it seems that way when I make the commitment beforehand, there can be some resistance part way through).
But I get caught up in it every time. It takes me to that place of black and white. Good and bad. Better or worse. And I thrive when I am doing better – especially than myself. And there is no end to the opportunities to beat myself up. For not going far enough, often enough, fast enough, long enough. So I don’t let those opportunities in. I ride the high. And push and push and push until I find my happy place. Rich with endorphins or whatever hormones are at play.
I am relieved to know that I am not doing this alone. I think ego is a lonely place. Actually an insecure place. A place where a body has a lot to prove. And is separate from everything. And it is hard work being separate from everything. Being connected to something larger than ourselves, that is the place where we can excel to our highest potential. To realize that it is not ALL ME is actually quite a comfort. If I could kick the ego aside, I’d see that. I’m not in this alone.
So what does it look like for a person to show up at a building where thousands of people have gone to worship their higher power every week for decades and decades and – well – strap on some ropes and climb the walls? Do you reach any higher? Can you find God better from the ceiling? Do you prove to yourself that you can do anything you set your mind to?
I’m not dissing the rock-climbing world. I’m only attaching my own state of 'elated' physical strength to the experience. Would I climb those walls and know that in this building, I am most definitely reaching a higher place? Or could I just as well sit on the floor and gaze up from my spot and experience all there was to know from that vantage point? Or for that matter take my feet for a run through the woods and find the same thing?
What beautiful creations we all are. I believe we show God a great deal of gratitude when we take good care of the form we were given. And I don’t believe any of us serve God better by neglecting ourselves. But I would argue that when you feel separate from yourself, you are not very good at taking care of yourself, and so much more likely to feel separate from your protector and creator. And to feel separate from that, well, that’s a scary place that I have known too well in the past. And I’m willing to use whatever tool it takes in any way I can to prevent that. If it means I have to strap on some ropes and show the gang how high I can climb, then so be it.
Now I’m not much for testing gravity, so I don’t think I’ll be doing that any time soon. But my own strength? I cannot short-change myself here. If I am healthy and my bones are intact and my muscles are still working and my heart and lungs are still willing, then I am blessed. I will invite my ego to join me while I will push and push and push until I feel totally and completely in the company of that something great.
And only now, thanks to my dear friend in the blogger world, I realize I am not doing it alone.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
A Study of Grains
Anyone who has lived on this planet can tell you that seeking nutrition information can be mind-boggling, contradictory and pretty much make you throw up your hands and forget the whole thing.
I’ve lately been thinking about grains. Morning porridge grains in particular but also flours, rice, barley, groats, wheatberries, quinoa, couscous, bulgur… So I’ve done a little research. We’ve also had the privilege of growing many-a-grain around here – rye, wheat, rice, and though technically not a grain, buckwheat galore as a green manure cover crop. Organic grains in my book can look a whole lot like a field of lovely grains mixed with a great diversity of weeds. But that is a story for another day.
Near as I can tell there are five factors to consider when choosing your grains:
• fibre content (whether the bran is left in),
• acidity (related to gluten content),
• glycemic index (how much it is processed and how quickly the sugars move into the bloodstream),
• protein content (whether the germ is left in)
• usable nutrients (are the nutrients added/enriched or naturally occurring?).
First a little bit about processing grains for consumption. The way I see it, the more a grain is processed, the more it seems to be readily available as sugar to the blood stream. The more simple (or broken down, or pre-digested, or processed) a grain or carbohydrate is, the more quickly it brings energy to the body. But these quick sugars lead to the release of an insulin roller coaster and a subsequent crash and hunger and the cycle starts all over again. Along the gradient I see white sugar at one end (smooth, sweet, finely textured) and a complete, intact whole grain (crunchy, nutty-flavoured) on the other.
An intact grain is made up of an endosperm, a germ and a bran – and often a hull as well but that is generally removed before it hits the market. The germ contains the protein and most of the nutrients while the bran houses most of the fibre. When white flour is made the germ and the bran are taken out. Often whole wheat flours have the germ and bran removed and then the bran is put back. The trouble with the germ is that it doesn’t keep so well. Hence, a more nutritious, higher quality flour won’t keep on the shelf as well as its more processed cousin. If it is nutrition you are after, then buy the truly whole grain products (that include the germ and the bran) in small quantities and keep them in the fridge or freezer.
You’ve heard me go on about processed cereals before. The part about the rats doing better on cardboard than some brands of cereal. The issue is simple. Many boxed cereals are without the germ (protein component) and sometimes don’t contain the bran either (fibre). Usually there is also an added amount of sugar nobody wants to hear out about. So the food value is there. It likely digests really easily (read: high glycemic index, therefore quick to raise blood sugar), lots of calories, little contribution to long-term energy and probably very efficient at fat storage. My personal vice is Cheerios. I include them in my diet knowing full well what they are - and balance them with better choices for the rest of my meals.
A quick aside to two ‘grains’ that I want to eat more of. We make crepes around here with buckwheat flour. Buckwheat is made from the small seed (groat) of a white flowering plant. It is an excellent choice for folks with gluten intolerance. It is also long-lasting as an energy source and more alkaline than acidic. Apparently our bodies are supposed to run on alkaline foods and we are all running around addicted to heartburn medication due to the high acidity in our bodies.
Barley is seemingly another wonder food – also more alkaline. It is often prepared as pearl barley which has had the germ removed and is an excellent source of energy, reasonably long lasting.
I’m an oatmeal fan. I eat it almost every morning for breakfast (as do my children). For a treat we will have Cream of Wheat. We put a wee pat of butter and brown sugar or maple syrup on there – maybe some berries. Its my lifelong love. But it doesn’t contain the same amount of fibre and protein that other hot cereals do. And I’m hoping to make a shift. Cream of wheat is like baby food. And I love it. Who wouldn’t? But it’s time to face the fact that its a highly processed version of a whole grain.
The difference between the oat cereals out there? Here is where I was getting deeply confused.
Oats of any kind are usually roasted to remove an enzyme that makes them go rancid quicker.
Steel cut oats are the whole oat groats chopped into pieces. They take longer to cook and have the best nutritional benefits in the way of proteins, healthy fats and fibre (also release their sugars more slowly into the bloodstream). The problem with all oats is they tend towards being an acidic grain. Kamut and spelt are considered far less acidic than oats and wheat, for example. From one whole grain to the next, the protein content in the germ seems to be about the same between whole grain wheat, kamut, barley, oats, rye and spelt.
Rolled oats are the result of steaming the groats and then rolling them out into flakes. Quick oats are large-flake rolled oats cut into smaller pieces. Old-fashioned and large-flake oats take longer to cook than quick oats. Instant oatmeal are quick oats cut into smaller pieces yet. The smaller the pieces, the easier for your body to take up the sugars, the quicker the sugars spike in your bloodstream, the faster you crash and get hungry again. Instant oats are fine but are often sold in small packets with added sugars, salt and chemicals.
Oat bran is simply the isolated bran from the whole oat grain and are very high in fibre. High fibre foods such as these have been shown to lower LDL (bad cholesterol).
The more I learn about the food available to us, the more I realize that an egg is not an egg. That all milk is not the same. That one side of beef is not equal to another. That one large, beautiful orange carrot does not have the same nutrient value as the next one.
And now I know that the ‘usability’ (digestibility, acidity, glycemic index, nutrient density) from one grain to the next is highly variable. I don’t think we should throw away every ‘wrong’ food in our cupboards but I truly believe that when we’re standing in the grocery store aisle scratching our heads we need to consider the following:
1. What do we like because that is likely what we are going to eat. Thinking you should be a Quinoa fan does not automatically make you a Quinoa fan. (I tried a Quinoa prune thing recently and nearly gagged – perhaps one day my taste buds will be so refined).
2. Eat your Cheerios. Love your Cheerios. Buy the squishy cheap, airy ‘whole wheat’ breads, just know what they offer and fill in the gaps.
3. When in doubt, head for the germ. ‘Whole wheat’ is not necessarily germ and bran-containing. Read about the products you buy and find out if the germ and bran are still in there. Best way to tell? Does it keep in your cupboard for months or go rancid after a few weeks? If it is the latter, you’ve got the right stuff (and need to clear a spot in your fridge or freezer for it).
All for now. Over and out.
Happy Grain Eating.
I’ve lately been thinking about grains. Morning porridge grains in particular but also flours, rice, barley, groats, wheatberries, quinoa, couscous, bulgur… So I’ve done a little research. We’ve also had the privilege of growing many-a-grain around here – rye, wheat, rice, and though technically not a grain, buckwheat galore as a green manure cover crop. Organic grains in my book can look a whole lot like a field of lovely grains mixed with a great diversity of weeds. But that is a story for another day.
Near as I can tell there are five factors to consider when choosing your grains:
• fibre content (whether the bran is left in),
• acidity (related to gluten content),
• glycemic index (how much it is processed and how quickly the sugars move into the bloodstream),
• protein content (whether the germ is left in)
• usable nutrients (are the nutrients added/enriched or naturally occurring?).
First a little bit about processing grains for consumption. The way I see it, the more a grain is processed, the more it seems to be readily available as sugar to the blood stream. The more simple (or broken down, or pre-digested, or processed) a grain or carbohydrate is, the more quickly it brings energy to the body. But these quick sugars lead to the release of an insulin roller coaster and a subsequent crash and hunger and the cycle starts all over again. Along the gradient I see white sugar at one end (smooth, sweet, finely textured) and a complete, intact whole grain (crunchy, nutty-flavoured) on the other.
An intact grain is made up of an endosperm, a germ and a bran – and often a hull as well but that is generally removed before it hits the market. The germ contains the protein and most of the nutrients while the bran houses most of the fibre. When white flour is made the germ and the bran are taken out. Often whole wheat flours have the germ and bran removed and then the bran is put back. The trouble with the germ is that it doesn’t keep so well. Hence, a more nutritious, higher quality flour won’t keep on the shelf as well as its more processed cousin. If it is nutrition you are after, then buy the truly whole grain products (that include the germ and the bran) in small quantities and keep them in the fridge or freezer.
You’ve heard me go on about processed cereals before. The part about the rats doing better on cardboard than some brands of cereal. The issue is simple. Many boxed cereals are without the germ (protein component) and sometimes don’t contain the bran either (fibre). Usually there is also an added amount of sugar nobody wants to hear out about. So the food value is there. It likely digests really easily (read: high glycemic index, therefore quick to raise blood sugar), lots of calories, little contribution to long-term energy and probably very efficient at fat storage. My personal vice is Cheerios. I include them in my diet knowing full well what they are - and balance them with better choices for the rest of my meals.
A quick aside to two ‘grains’ that I want to eat more of. We make crepes around here with buckwheat flour. Buckwheat is made from the small seed (groat) of a white flowering plant. It is an excellent choice for folks with gluten intolerance. It is also long-lasting as an energy source and more alkaline than acidic. Apparently our bodies are supposed to run on alkaline foods and we are all running around addicted to heartburn medication due to the high acidity in our bodies.
Barley is seemingly another wonder food – also more alkaline. It is often prepared as pearl barley which has had the germ removed and is an excellent source of energy, reasonably long lasting.
I’m an oatmeal fan. I eat it almost every morning for breakfast (as do my children). For a treat we will have Cream of Wheat. We put a wee pat of butter and brown sugar or maple syrup on there – maybe some berries. Its my lifelong love. But it doesn’t contain the same amount of fibre and protein that other hot cereals do. And I’m hoping to make a shift. Cream of wheat is like baby food. And I love it. Who wouldn’t? But it’s time to face the fact that its a highly processed version of a whole grain.
The difference between the oat cereals out there? Here is where I was getting deeply confused.
Oats of any kind are usually roasted to remove an enzyme that makes them go rancid quicker.
Steel cut oats are the whole oat groats chopped into pieces. They take longer to cook and have the best nutritional benefits in the way of proteins, healthy fats and fibre (also release their sugars more slowly into the bloodstream). The problem with all oats is they tend towards being an acidic grain. Kamut and spelt are considered far less acidic than oats and wheat, for example. From one whole grain to the next, the protein content in the germ seems to be about the same between whole grain wheat, kamut, barley, oats, rye and spelt.
Rolled oats are the result of steaming the groats and then rolling them out into flakes. Quick oats are large-flake rolled oats cut into smaller pieces. Old-fashioned and large-flake oats take longer to cook than quick oats. Instant oatmeal are quick oats cut into smaller pieces yet. The smaller the pieces, the easier for your body to take up the sugars, the quicker the sugars spike in your bloodstream, the faster you crash and get hungry again. Instant oats are fine but are often sold in small packets with added sugars, salt and chemicals.
Oat bran is simply the isolated bran from the whole oat grain and are very high in fibre. High fibre foods such as these have been shown to lower LDL (bad cholesterol).
The more I learn about the food available to us, the more I realize that an egg is not an egg. That all milk is not the same. That one side of beef is not equal to another. That one large, beautiful orange carrot does not have the same nutrient value as the next one.
And now I know that the ‘usability’ (digestibility, acidity, glycemic index, nutrient density) from one grain to the next is highly variable. I don’t think we should throw away every ‘wrong’ food in our cupboards but I truly believe that when we’re standing in the grocery store aisle scratching our heads we need to consider the following:
1. What do we like because that is likely what we are going to eat. Thinking you should be a Quinoa fan does not automatically make you a Quinoa fan. (I tried a Quinoa prune thing recently and nearly gagged – perhaps one day my taste buds will be so refined).
2. Eat your Cheerios. Love your Cheerios. Buy the squishy cheap, airy ‘whole wheat’ breads, just know what they offer and fill in the gaps.
3. When in doubt, head for the germ. ‘Whole wheat’ is not necessarily germ and bran-containing. Read about the products you buy and find out if the germ and bran are still in there. Best way to tell? Does it keep in your cupboard for months or go rancid after a few weeks? If it is the latter, you’ve got the right stuff (and need to clear a spot in your fridge or freezer for it).
All for now. Over and out.
Happy Grain Eating.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Independence Defined
Studies have shown that happiness has been linked to a person’s independence. Great, I think. But what defines independence? Is it the ability to spend money in whatever way you want to? Is it freedom and control over how you spend your time? Is it when you don’t need help for doing what you need to do? When you are not dependent on anyone to make things happen in your life?
The context I was reading about this correlation was about a recently divorced woman who was learning how to make her own decisions. She was paying bills for the first time in her life, buying cars, signing mortgages. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have no idea how it feels to do any of those things. A long time ago women were told they were lucky to not have to worry about such burdensome matters. All I know is that there is a certain power and strength in knowing that no matter what happens, a person can know they are capable of taking care of themselves.
I remember the first time I ran a half marathon distance. That day I learned that all I needed was a pair of running shoes to get me to the nearest gas station, grocery store, telephone, friend’s house – no matter where I was. Really and truly no matter where I was, if my car was the break down I could get somewhere I needed to on my own steam, with my own two feet. This is a very empowering feeling. I have covered these kinds of miles on major highways, logging roads, seaside trails, small villages, large European cities, around lakes, over mountains, across sand. I have taught myself that no obstacle is too great (although the list of potential dangers – wierdos and creeps, transport trucks, grizzly bears and cougars, thunderstorms, stray dogs - were vastly different, my own engine was never the limitation).
There is something inside of me that has come back to life since I have returned to work. I realize now that during those childbearing years, I wasn’t really showing up at work. I was physically there but mentally at home. I was often mentally nowhere no matter where I showed up.
What I have only now just realized is that having others depend on you does not make you independent. Let me say that again. Meeting the needs of everyone and everything around you does not make you independent. It does not automatically mean that you are meeting your own needs. It does not mean you are free and in control and doing what you want to do.
Further, taking time to ‘do things for yourself’ does not necessarily mean you are independent. I have practiced going through the motions of ‘things for myself’ without reaping the feeling of being in control of my own life, my own power. Taking a moment to breath was always more a survival mechanism instead of an opportunity to grow or build trust in my abilities.
All of this independence I speak of is separate from whether or not you are earning a wage or being ‘supported’ by someone else. None of this is about financial independence although that can lead to other kinds of freedom and control. What I am referring to is the feeling that you could do whatever you had to, wanted to, needed to in a pinch. The feeling that if your car broke down you could cover the distance you had to even if you couldn’t get any help.
You see, what I failed to notice is that helping others all of the time is not the same as NOT NEEDING help. I’ll say it again (for me, more than for you). Just because you can care for the planet, the neighbours, your kids, your husband, your dogs, your unicorns and your laundry pile does not mean you do not need support. It may be financial. But it is likely far more complicated than that.
Likely you need an ear to listen once in a while. You need time to think. To sleep. To move your body. To breathe and digest. To use your brain. To apply your ambitions. You need to hear your own laughter, often. To build dreams. To give them form. To paint pictures. To write those words down. Maybe you need a new pair of pants that fit better. Perhaps you need to make a doctor’s appointment to deal with that nagging issue. You need a haircut or maybe just a hair wash. You need things. Surprise Mama. You need things.
Independence. The ability to feel like you can take care of yourself when you need to. The knowledge that you could be there for yourself when asked. The certainty of where you stand – where you begin and end – not in relation to the needs of another person. I’m not saying you should leave a hungry baby without food to get in a run. But becoming a mother for me required a re-learning post extreme-dependence stages of what it means to take care of myself. It took time for me to remember what it really meant to meet my own needs.
I feel I have arrived there again. The place where I have a pair of running shoes in my trunk. Both literally and figuratively, I know I could do whatever was needed of me.
Independence is not about whether you depend on someone else or not. And not about whether you have others depending on you.
It is about whether you trust that you can depend on yourself.
The context I was reading about this correlation was about a recently divorced woman who was learning how to make her own decisions. She was paying bills for the first time in her life, buying cars, signing mortgages. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have no idea how it feels to do any of those things. A long time ago women were told they were lucky to not have to worry about such burdensome matters. All I know is that there is a certain power and strength in knowing that no matter what happens, a person can know they are capable of taking care of themselves.
I remember the first time I ran a half marathon distance. That day I learned that all I needed was a pair of running shoes to get me to the nearest gas station, grocery store, telephone, friend’s house – no matter where I was. Really and truly no matter where I was, if my car was the break down I could get somewhere I needed to on my own steam, with my own two feet. This is a very empowering feeling. I have covered these kinds of miles on major highways, logging roads, seaside trails, small villages, large European cities, around lakes, over mountains, across sand. I have taught myself that no obstacle is too great (although the list of potential dangers – wierdos and creeps, transport trucks, grizzly bears and cougars, thunderstorms, stray dogs - were vastly different, my own engine was never the limitation).
There is something inside of me that has come back to life since I have returned to work. I realize now that during those childbearing years, I wasn’t really showing up at work. I was physically there but mentally at home. I was often mentally nowhere no matter where I showed up.
What I have only now just realized is that having others depend on you does not make you independent. Let me say that again. Meeting the needs of everyone and everything around you does not make you independent. It does not automatically mean that you are meeting your own needs. It does not mean you are free and in control and doing what you want to do.
Further, taking time to ‘do things for yourself’ does not necessarily mean you are independent. I have practiced going through the motions of ‘things for myself’ without reaping the feeling of being in control of my own life, my own power. Taking a moment to breath was always more a survival mechanism instead of an opportunity to grow or build trust in my abilities.
All of this independence I speak of is separate from whether or not you are earning a wage or being ‘supported’ by someone else. None of this is about financial independence although that can lead to other kinds of freedom and control. What I am referring to is the feeling that you could do whatever you had to, wanted to, needed to in a pinch. The feeling that if your car broke down you could cover the distance you had to even if you couldn’t get any help.
You see, what I failed to notice is that helping others all of the time is not the same as NOT NEEDING help. I’ll say it again (for me, more than for you). Just because you can care for the planet, the neighbours, your kids, your husband, your dogs, your unicorns and your laundry pile does not mean you do not need support. It may be financial. But it is likely far more complicated than that.
Likely you need an ear to listen once in a while. You need time to think. To sleep. To move your body. To breathe and digest. To use your brain. To apply your ambitions. You need to hear your own laughter, often. To build dreams. To give them form. To paint pictures. To write those words down. Maybe you need a new pair of pants that fit better. Perhaps you need to make a doctor’s appointment to deal with that nagging issue. You need a haircut or maybe just a hair wash. You need things. Surprise Mama. You need things.
Independence. The ability to feel like you can take care of yourself when you need to. The knowledge that you could be there for yourself when asked. The certainty of where you stand – where you begin and end – not in relation to the needs of another person. I’m not saying you should leave a hungry baby without food to get in a run. But becoming a mother for me required a re-learning post extreme-dependence stages of what it means to take care of myself. It took time for me to remember what it really meant to meet my own needs.
I feel I have arrived there again. The place where I have a pair of running shoes in my trunk. Both literally and figuratively, I know I could do whatever was needed of me.
Independence is not about whether you depend on someone else or not. And not about whether you have others depending on you.
It is about whether you trust that you can depend on yourself.
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